Bowser and Charizard: Idiots Never Notice
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: COMPLETED AT LONG LAST! When Princess Peach threatens the world of Smash Brothers with her fellow pretty comrades, the world's only hope lies with... Bowser and Charizard. Can the two idiotic reptiles save the world, or will they fail? FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

_King Bowser Koopa and Charizard starring in..._

**Bowser and Charizard: Idiots Never Notice (BAC: INN)**

**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

_Now with five percent less idiotic comments! Yay!_

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: You did see that announcement I made earlier, right? Well, yeah, I'm not going to be doing any longer jabbering until I make a really big achievement. As in, I mean... a really, REALLY big achievement. So with that, I got nothing else to say, but enjoy, everyone! And now, I leave you with my copypasta, of which will be used for all of my stories from here on out: Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the story! Read and enjoy!

PS: Heehee, notice the nice thing I did with the abbreviated title? I guess you won't notice it right away. :P

Disclaimer: (sigh) I thought he would never stop jabbering. (clears throat) Bowser, Charizard, and all other related characters and such other things belong to Nintendo. Doctor Harryhausen Howard Hoshi belongs to Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus.

Bowser and Charizard were staring right at each other, eye to eye, nose to nose, mouth to mouth. ...Okay, maybe not mouth to mouth. But they were staring.

"Hrmm... you know... I just thought of something," Bowser stated as he rubbed his chin, "What are our purposes here?"

Charizard blinked, and he scratched his head. "Well, I guess we-"

"HA, YOU BLINKED!!!" Bowser laughed as he clapped his hands together with glee.

Charizard soon realized this, and he jumped up and down, growling.

"Argh! Darn it! How could I be so stupid!" Charizard shouted as he kicked a football into Bowser's face, which devoured it within minutes. He then pointed at the black sky and asked, "So, what's the plot for the story this time?"

Bowser made a quirky face. "Urrr, how should I know?" He replied dumbfounded.

Charizard slapped his forehead. "Bowser, "urrr" is not a word. You know, yadda yadda..." The red fire-type dragon Pokemon started jabbering his head off, while Bowser placed ear plugs on his nose, to help get the sound out that was coming from Charizard's mouth.

Dr. Mario and Ridley, who were watching Bowser and Charizard from a distance, looked at each other.

"So, how are we going to watch these two progress?" Ridley asked as he scratched his head.

Dr. mario paused, and he then snapped his fingers, turning to face Ridley. "Well, we could increase the word count." The good doctor suggested, winking.

"Increase the word count?" Ridley asked, blinking.

"Increase the word count." Dr. Mario replied, smiling as he folded his arms and closed his eyes.

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"Increase the word count."

"Increase the word count?"

"...This is pointless." Dr. Mario admitted as he sighed, shaking his head and turning around, only to notice that...

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(Dramatic Pause)

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Bowser and Charizard were gone. Dr. Mario scratched his head, only to have a blue-winged butterfly land on his brown bushy hair. The doctor smashed his head, only to see the butterfly flying away. Dr. Mario frowned as he rubbed his injured head, feeling the pain, while in the next second, Ridley stated the obvious.

"Where did they go???" Ridley exclaimed in shock as he and Dr. Mario looked around for the two monstrous reptilians.

Not too far, Bowser and Charizard are running like little girls, shrieking in horror as they are being chased by the girly girl, Ness (who recently went to see Birdo and got his gender changed, actually being female now).

"Keep running! Don't let his girliness touch you!" Charizard hollered at the to of his fire-filled lungs as he tripped over a green frog and started tumbling down the hill, with Bowser retreating into his spiky shell and following.

Ness called out at the two reptilians, giggling as she shouted, "Wait, boys! I wanna go with you!"

"NO!!!" Bowser and Charizard shouted back at Ness as they hid behind a nearby urinal, only to see Ness sitting right behind them. Destroying the laws of physics, Bowser and Charizard morphed into piles of goop and transformed into vapor, quickly disappearing in the air, leaving Ness to cry in her place.

Dr. Mario and Ridley looked at each other, and only slapped their foreheads while shaking their heads as they noted the stupidity of their two idiotic friends. What an adventure this would be.


	2. Chapter 2

Princess Peach Toadstool looked out from her corridor of EVIL within her castle, watching all of her mushroom people attacking the innocent Koopa army who was having a picnic nearby. The evil pink princess called out Link, Marth, and Roy, who all stupidly stumbled into the room, all of them saluting.

"What do you summon us for?" Link stated as he gulped.

"We will do what you please, your majesty," Marth added as he adjusted his bluish head.

Peach grinned, walking up to the three swordsmen. "Excellent. In that case, I need you to..."

After a few minutes, Roy opened his big mouth, being appalled.

"WHAT!? Why would we do that!?" The red-haired swordsman barked as he had a crazed look in his face, only to be slapped harshly by Peach, causing the poor swordsman to yelp in pain, his left leg twitching in pain.

Peach glared at Link and Marth, warning them both, "If you fail to comply, then you'll face the same fate as Roy here." She growled, her eyes bursting into flames.

Link and Marth both gulped as they ran out of Peach's Castle, dragging the injured Roy with them as Peach turned around and thought of even more evil and cunning plans.

* * *

Bowser and Charizard were both riding on old carts that Bowser crafted out of wood as they headed for the Mushroom Meadows, slowly approaching the Mushroom Kingdom, which was now the sight of evil. Little did they know that they had a little spy snooping around them.

"Hey, do you feel something?" Bowser asked as he scratched his head, feeling poked.

Charizard shrugged. "Bah, who cares? Besides, at this rate, we should-ACK!!!" He then collided into a tree, being knocked flat onto the grassy ground as the cart broke into several pieces of wood, randomly being set on fire by itself. Charizard moaned weakly as he tried picking up his head, only to be rolled by Bowser's cart.

Bowser, sweatdropping nervously as he chuckled, turned around, only to crash into a large, grayish boulder. Moaning, the gigantic fire-breathing turtle turned to his left, only to see Popo and nana looking at him. His eyes widened, and Bowser screamed as he retreated into his spiky shell, while Popo and Nana looked at each other strangely and shrugged.

Charizard shook his head, and as he got up, he once more got flattened by more than OVER NINE THOUSAND Toads, who were all carrying the flailing soldiers of the once proud Koopa armada. Getting up, Charizard moaned as he was as flat as paper. This spooked out Popo and Nana, who then ran towards the northeastern direction in fright of Paper Charizard.

"...Hey, maybe I can actually get an RPG starring myself now that I'm paper..." Charizard cherished the moment as he chuckled, only to return being his proper three-dimensional self. He fornwed, and complained, folding his arms. "Awww."

SMACK!!! The fire-flying type dragon Pokemon received a slap on the back from Bowser, who was in utter disgust at Charizard's behavior.

"Cut the act! We're here to save the world!" Bowser pointed out the obvious as he led the way, with a grumbling Charizard following along.


	3. Chapter 3

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: (sigh) Well, you all wanted Solid Snake in this, so Snake you will get. And with that... (cough, cough) I have nothing else to say. Just enjoy the chapter and its wackiness!

"BAGELS!!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!" Charizard screamed in fright as he and Bowser were being chased by oversized bagels, all summoned by the command of Mama Luigi (whose mind was thrown into the garbage and taken over completely by Princess Peach).

"Charizard, keep running!" Bowser instructed as he was then eaten alive by a bagel, screaming as the bagel turned into a flying tuna. With wings of orange mustaches.

"...Dr. Ivo Robotnik?" Charizard asked dumfounded as he used his Flamethrower attack to burn all of the bagels chasing him, sighing with relief as a ton of bricks then dropped on him, crushing the fire-type dragon Pokemon. It was then that as Charizard crawled out, a holly jolly snowman passed by, freezing Charizard in the process.

Bowser suddenly popped out of a nearby dimension pad, and he used his fiery breath to get Charizard out of the ice. As CHarizard shook the ice off of of himself, the spiky turtle then handed him a red-colored book.

"...Hmmmm. What's this?" Charizard asked as he looked at it, and then munched it, screaming in pain as all of his teeth were then broken.

Bowser rolled his eyes as he placed his hands on his hips and shook his head, laughing. "You idiot. it's the enclosed instruction book."

Charizard 's eyes widened with joy and shock as he looked at the enclosed instruction book, hugging it tightly as he giggled like a Japanese schoolgirl with glee. Bowser sweatdropped as he took a step away, only to trip over a cardboard box. As Charizard marveled at the enclosed instruction book like he never did before, Bowser closely examined the cardboard box, which slowly opened up a bit, causing Bowser to jump up in surprise and hit a hidden coin block, falling flat on his face.

(cue old audience laugh track)

Solid Snake popped out of the cardboard box, rubbing his chin as he glanced at the unconscious Bowser and the thoughtful Charizard. Sticking to his guns, Snake slowly approached Charizard, clearing his throat.

"So... uhhh, I guess I'm new to this... fanfic series..." Snake muttered as he looked around, asking curiously, "Where am I, anyway?"

BAM!!! Charizard knocked Snake with his large tail, standing up proud after opening up the enclosed instruction book, feeling all mighty as his yellow cape (which appeared out of nowhere) blew in the breeze.

"Spaghetti, Dinner, Mah Boi, The Birds, The Worm..." He proclaimed as he opened up his eyes and did a ridiculously cheesy pose. "BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAIN CHARIZARD!!!!!"

Silence. Snake coughed as he got up onto his feet while Bowser was recovering from his tripping incident, while muttering Sakurai's name angrily.

"So... um... now with the introductions out of the way..." Snake commented as he dusted his arms, "How about you fill me in on what's going on?"

Bowser and Charizard both sighed as they looked at each other, and then turned to face Snake.

"Well, it all started when Mario, the princess and I came to Dinosaur World for a vacation," Charizard began, bluntly ripping off the entire plotline of the Mama Luigi episode, causing Bowser and Snake to fall asleep as the evening gave way for night.


	4. Chapter 4

Bowser, Charizard, and Solid Snake were telling each other stories around the camp fire. However, Snake had a really disturbing story...

"Ands when me and Octacon were sneaking up on Mei Ling, I just went in and..." He motioned a slapping technique. "Got her, right on the right cheek." He grinned.

Bowser and Charizard were both amazingly shocked.

"Wow... really?" Charizard asked as he took a bite into the dead corpse of-

* * *

**CENSOR**

"This story is too immature, inapprorpiate, and voilent for little kids!" Samus called out as she charged her plasma shot, I demand that-"

Captain Falcon heroically ran into the room, giving a smirk to the audience, the rapid fangirls screaming with joy as they wetted themselves. Samus looked over her right shoulder to see Captain Falcon, and gulped as she shrunk in size, sweatdropping as she started trembling nervously.

"Falcon... PAUNCH!!!" BOOM!!!! Samus was sent into the horizon within a fiery ball of falcon, while Captain Falcon saluted to the camera, smiling.

* * *

"...YESZ!" Snake replied as he finished up his story, "And when the colonel came in, I-"

He noticed that his two reptilian chums were gone. Snake turned around, screaming as he saw several sugar cones coming towards him.

"AHHHH!!!" Snake screamed as he grabbed his cardboard box and started running, but tripped, and was trampled by the sugar cones, which all slowly dissolved into green waffles.

...Green waffles? What the f-

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PLEASE STAND BY

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Bowser, Charizard, and Solid Snake all started running, being chased by a grand army of muffins (who were hired by Princess Peach Toadstool to kill the two retarded reptilians).

"They're on me! I'm getting careless!" Snke called out as he handed Bowser and Charizard some of his grenades, shouting to them as the muffins all jumped on them, "Quickly! Use your fire to- GWAH!!!"

Bowser and Charizard both hid up into a nearby deciduous tree, looking down at all the angry muffins that tried hopping up to them.

"...Snake?" Charizard whimpered, tears forming in his eyes as he called out, "Snake!? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!"

Bowser slapped Charizard across the face.

"Snap out of it, man! We need to use our fire breath to-" Before Bowser could finish, a HUGE gust of wind blew all of the muffins away, revealing Snake's unconscious body.

Bowser and Charizard both froze as their eyes shrunk to an incredibly minimal size, hearing the roar of Ridley, who swooped in and tackled the two reptilians twenty nine feet into the ground, giving both a wedgie as Dr. Mario came on a motorcycle.

"Thank goodness we found you," Dr. Mario stated as he help recover Bowser, Charizard, and Snake to full recovery, explaining, "We don't have much time! Princess Peach is-"

Bowser, Charizard, And Snake all looked oddly at Dr. Mario, causing the docotr to slowly back away.

"W-what is it?" Dr. Mario asked as sweat came down his face, wiping his forheead with a napkin, "is it my breath? Or is it my...?"

Bowser and Snake pointed at the motorcycle, while Charizard screamed girlishly as he jumped into Ridley's arms, who only gave the camera a sly grin.

"Yay! I get to be the hero!" Ridley called out as he dropped Charizard and grabbed a sombrero, doing a little victory dance.

Dr. Mario turned around, and then turned back to face Bowser and Snake, narrowing his eyes.

"Guys, don't be jackasses," The doctor stated as he tossed a pill at Bowser's face while jabbing Snake right in the family jewels, "You don't know WHAT I went through to get it...."

* * *

_Flashback..._

_"HELP!!! DOCTAH STOLE MAH BIKE!!! DOCTAH STOLE MAH BIKE!!!" Wario angrily shouted as he, Little Mac, and several seagulls on the pier gave chase to Dr. Mario, who was wearing black clothes instead of his usual white clothes, turning around the pier in Wario's Bike and then jumping into the salty water, not surfacing._

_Wario, Little Mac, and the seagulls all looked at each other._

_"...Wanna have sex?" Wario asked Little Mac as he chuckled, rubbing his moustache._

_Little Mac turned white, feeling horrified. The seagulls all flew away in terror._

_Silence._

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_..._

_PIFF!!!!_


	5. Chapter 5

Bowser, Charizard, Solid Snake, Ridley, and Doctor Mario were all skipping merrily down the Yellow Brick Road, in hopes of reaching the Mushroom Kingdom. Of course, since they were all male, they planned on having a nice little-

"Umm, you do know that the censorship will hunt us down if we go a bit too far?" Snake pointed out to myself, causing a paradox as I suddenly vani-

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"Oh. Crap." Charizard stated as he stopped in his tracks, as he, Bowser, Dr. Mario, and Ridley all glanced upon Snake with fright.

Snake shrugged, not understanding why the four companions were upset. "What? All I said was that the censorship would come and-"

"Dude, you just broke the fourth wall," Bowser pointed out the obvious pointing at you, the viewers, "And I think you guys know that too, right?"

Dr. Mario slapped his forehead. "Why are we having this argument? Why can't we just go-" His eyes then widened with fear as he turned white. "Oh good Lord of Games."

Ridley made a quirky face, before bursting into laughter as he started rolling on the ground laughing. "LOG? You mean the one who appeared in Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts? Why mention him in such a-"

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PLEASE STAND BY

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"Mwa ha ha! After those idiots are dealt with, I the great Princess Peach Toadstool..." Peach loudly proclaimed as she gave herself a speech when she ruled all of the land, "Will make myself the most powerful-"

**_PFFFFFT!!!_** Princess Peach accidentally ripped a loud fart in her own throne room, much to her disgust. Blushing embarrassedly, she began to pout, letting out another short poot.

"Damn it! My goal for world domination... stopped by my flatulence..." Peach muttered as she sniffled, relieved that no one else was in the room, "I have to hold in my own gas before I-"

**_PFFFFT!!!_** Another particularly disgusting one came out of Peach's butt, in the form of green grass. The evil, blonde princess jumped up and down in frustration, before placing both of her hands over her face, crying as she continued angrily pouted while still farting uncontrollably.

"Ugh! Why must I-" **_POOT!!!!_** "Always-" **_PFFT!!!!_** "Have to-" **_PLARB!!!_** "Fart on the wrong occasions!?" **_PFFFFFFT!!!!!!_** "AGH!!!!!" **_Poot._**


	6. Chapter 6

Bowser, Charizard, Snake, Ridley, and Dr. Mario were all trying to DO A BARREL ROLL, but they all forgot the most important thing: pressing R or Z twice.

"Darn it! How do I use this stupid thing!?" Charizard growled as he pressed several buttons on the Gamecube controller, frowning as he failed to succeed.

Dr. Mario and Snake glanced at each other, and merely shook their heads, while Bowser was trying to cook a frying pan with the stove, succeeding. meanwhile, Ridley was snooPING ADS usual, looking up the latest information of porn... on a Nintendo magazine.

"Oh yeah... F-ZERO Wii, here I come..." Ridley snickered as he grabbed a pen and smirked as he written his name in script on the submission form, going into the air and flying towards the western direction, returning a few minutes later as he came back down, to see that Bowser has placed the buns on the frying pan.

"So, uh... about that evil witch, Princess Peach..." Snake began as he started scratching his butt while picking his nose with his left index finger, "Why did she become evil?"

Dr. Mario sweatdropped, coughing as he moved his eyes about, trying to avoid the question. "Umm... well..." He whistled innocently, chuckling nervously as he received a glare from Charizard. "Let's just say that-"

BAM!!! A freight train came by, and it sent the five heroes smacked on the front, towards a wooden cabin, which was a dead end. Bowser, Charizard, Snake, and Ridley all screamed as Dr. mario grabbed a pile and tossed it at the cabin, creating a pink bubble as the freight train exploded into several butterflies.

"...This story doesn't make sense..." Snake muttered as he started running away, but was squashed by Charizard, moaning in pain.

"We didn't come here to run away like little Japanese schoolgirls!" Charizard stated as he placed the typical Japanese schoolgirl outfit on, winking at Bowser and Ridley, who both shuddered with disgust, "We came here to... umm... protect the world from devastation..."

Silence.

"...This chapter sucks, you know that?" Dr. Mario stated as he observed the strange pink bubble.

Ridley blinked, and he then smiled, snapping his fingers as he suddenly remembered. "Oh! yeah! I meant to tell you guys!" He squealed with joy. "I'm going to be in the next F-ZERO for the Wii!"

The other four left him behind, their tracks nearly invisible in the mud. Ridley growled and muttered angrily to himself as he followed the tracks, still filled with pride and joy of how he will be in the next F-ZERO.


	7. Chapter 7

Bowser, Charizard, Snake, Ridley, and Dr. Mario were all running away from the evil forces of the birds, who were freed by Marth, who was recovering from the fatal incident within the Cement Factory nearby. As Charizard used his fire to prevent the birds from coming closer, Bowser noticed a dead end.

"Curses!" He shouted in protest as he frantically looked around, gulping as he knew there was no way out. He began thinking quickly, sweat coming down from the side of his head as he felt the pressure coming on. Suddenly, Dr. Mario jumped through the fire and tossed several of his pills at the birds, making them bigger.

Dr. Mario chuckled nervously as he received angry glares from the other four heroes, who all hid behind the doctor as he could not figure out what to do. Suddenly, Snake got an idea, and he hid into his cardboard box.

"WHAT!" Ridley exclaimed angrily, picking up the box and starting to beat the life out of Snake, "You mean you're going to just leave us out for Princess Peach to get us!?"

While Snake welped in pain, Bowser and Charizard quickly used their fire to burn a stack of wood, of which Dr. Mario pushed onto the birds, crushing them flat. Marth noticed this, and he ran off, crying like a girl as rainbows popped out of the clouds and butterflies started flapping everywhere, flowers blooming as the sun's bright rays came down.

"Ahhh... peace has returned to the area..." Dr. Mario commented as he picked up a flower and smelled it, eating it as he wiped his mouth with his right wrist, "Isn't it beautiful, boys?"

Bowser and Charizard were screaming their heads off as they skipped for their lives, being chased by the girly girl Ness, who was now wearing a red dress similar to Peach's The gender changed girl giggled as she called out with glee, "Wait, guys! I wanna hug you forever and ever!"

Dr. Mario scratched his head, only to have his shoulder tapped. He turned around, only to be punched by Roy, who smirked as he grabbed the unconscious doctor by the legs and started pulling away, while Ridley was smacking a bleeding snack with the mercenary's own cardboard box. Link, who was hiding in the bushes, giggled uncontrollably as he waited for his chance to sneak up, trying not to blow his cover.

"Keep running, Bowser!" Charizard bellowed, sweat coming down his sides as he glanced behind him with fear as Ness began blowing kisses towards them, "We can't let him get near our privates!"


	8. Chapter 8

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: (sigh) And now, a completely boring chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

Link watched as Dr. Mario looked around for some flowers. Being hesitant, Link took out his boomerang, and it was enough to knock the good doctor out. Gasping, Link grabbed Dr. Mario, and rushed back to Marth and Roy.

"Wait a minute, didn't I get Dr. Mario?' Roy questioned as he glanced at his unconscious doctor, then glancing at Link's.

Link blinked, and he slowly turned his head, to see that the doctor he had... was a fake!

"I knew I should have never casted for this stupid story..." Meta Knight commented as he tried to break free, using his quick swordplay to kick Link's butt, and then running off to who knows where.

Marth and Roy looked at each other oddly as Link got back up, moaning in pain. Marth then snapped his fingers, and proclaimed, "Okay! To Princess Peach! We got a world to ruin!" And the three snotty, idiotic swordsmen laughed their heads off as they skipped all the way to Princess Peach's evil lair.


	9. Chapter 9

Else where, after enduring fiery volcanic pits, bad ripoffs of songs from The Beatles, watching worldwide soccer in French, and trekking through the marshy, poisonous swamplands of Poopoo Galaxy, our four herons made their way to safety. Bowser, Charizard, Snake, and Ridley all were very cautious as they prepared an attack from the Rubbish Cats Police.

"Gee, it's kind of dark," Snake commented as he smelled his armpits, commenting with, "Note to self; when I make love in my pants, be sure to take a shower."

Bowser, Charizard, and Ridley all moved slightly away from Snake, who shrugged as he shouted back innocently, "What?"

"Anyway..." Bowser stated as he punched an incoming Zubat in the face, turning to Charizard, "Do you have a light?"

Charizard slowly turned his face to Bowser, replying eerily, "_Noooo..._"

Bowser then pointed at the red-orange-yellow flame on Charizard's tail. Charizard looked at his flame-lit tail.

"Oh." Charizard commented as the wind blew nearby and blew out the flame.

Silence.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...AHHHH!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!" Charizard proclaimed as he started freaking out, using his Flamethrower to burn everything in his sight, causing a massive wild fire that trapped him and the others in. Bowser and Ridley screamed as he used their claws to get rid of the flames, while Charizard ran around in circles, screaming as he spouted more fire from his mouth. Snake took the opportunity to use the wild fire as a lit for his cigarette, and he blew smoke out as he stared at the starry dark night, with purple clouds forming above.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the evil castle of... oh, who am I kidding, you all know who it is...

**PFFFFFT!!!!** "Ugh!" Princess Peach gasped as she covered her butt, blushing embarrassingly as the Toad guards laughed at her as she walked down the hallway towards the dining room, more poisonous flatulence coming out from her rear in the form of green gas. As she cut the cheese once more, the entire hallway shook, and the Toad guards were so much in hysterics, they literally died laughing and became ghosts, still laughing their souls off. As Peach looked around, she was scared silly by the appearance of the three swordsman, letting loose a fart that... oh, to hell with the crappy fart jokes. Dr. Robotnik!

"PINGAS!!!!" Dr. Robotnik shouted as he ran by, trying to make the story better, but failing.

Oh well, at least he tried. Anyway, peach got up, to confront the three idiots, who had the unconscious Dr. Mario in their palms. Peach glared at them as another loud fart was heard from her gaseous stomach.

"Uhhh..." Marth rubbed the back of his head nervously, chuckling as he sweatdropped. "We got one of them, just like you said..."

Peach continued glaring straight at him, right in the eyes. This freaked out Link and Roy, who started whimpering like dogs.

"Marth, there's a reason why I sent you and the other two out," She stated calmly as she dusted off her pink dress, trying to get the flatulent smell off her, going into Marth's face and screaming, "I WANT YOU TO ELIMINATE BOWSER AND CHARIZARD!!!! HOW HARD IT IS TO ASK!?"

Marth trembled, gulping as his legs twitched. "B-B-But... we got Dr. M-M-Mario..."

Dr. Robotnik then made a surprise reappearance and used his Rrrrrrrrobotnik PAUNCH on Marth, wounding the blue haired swordsman in the stomach, pinning him down. He then grabbed Dr. Mario and rushed off, proclaiming to give himself a **_PRRRRRROMOTION_** as Link and Roy grabbed Marth and fled, screaming like girls in horror.

Princess Peach stood there, farting yet again for the sixty fifth time.

"Why am I constantly farting!?" Peach questioned as she continued to uncontrollably fart, "What, am I the new walking fart joke like Wario now!? Huh!? HUH!?"


	10. Chapter 10

Bowser, Charizard, Snake, and Ridley were all walking through the once peaceful meadows of the Magatroni Megastrue, which was destroyed by the evil Mushroomy forces of Princess Peach Toadstool. The four idiotic heroes have forgotten all about Dr. Mario, and thus, continued walking their way with no direction whatsoever as I, the idiotic author and narrator of this fanfic, sit here from the heavens and watch the fools meddle as usual. Fufufufufu-

"Will you SHUT UP?" Ridley snapped, slapping his forehead with his right palm. "Geeze, it's no wonder the people here don't like us."

"Well..." Snake began as he pointed behind him, noting the angry Shy Guys and Pidgits who gave the four guys angry looks, "I don't think these guys appreciate coming into their village."

"And why not?" Ridley asked as he then stepped on a house made of stick, causing a family of three Shy Guy girls and a mother to all flee for their lives. Ridley's eyes widened as he was silenced. "Oh."

Bowser sighed, shrugging his shoulders as he shook his head, wondering what to do. "Well, guys, I don't think we have any idea where we are going, so..." He turned to Snake, Ridley, and Charizard. "What are your suggestions?"

Snake raised his hand with enthusiasm. "Oh! Oh! I'm good at maps!" He went into his cardboard box for a few minutes, and popped out back with a crummy drawn map, which was drawn with a bad brown crayon. Giggling, Snake rubbed his hands together and asked, "How do you like it?"

Bowser did not say a word, his hands trembling as his eyes twitched.

"Uhh... it's... great... really..." The Koopa King horribly lied as he turned to face Ridley, hoping for a more intelligent response. "How about you, Ridley?"

Ridley rubbed his chin, and then he gasped, grinning as he started, "Well, how about this? You know how me and Charizard can fly, right?" He pointed at himself and chuckled. "Well, all we need to do is reach for the skies... and then we'll get to the bottom of this mess!" He stated, grinning widely.

Bowser frowned, putting his right shoulder around Ridley. "Uhh, Ridley. Two things, one, I'm fat, and second, how are we suppose to get Snake into the sky?"

Ridley realized this, and he huddled away, shaking as he held himself, whimpering.

Bowser moaned, and as he turned around, he got fed up with the angry villagers continuing to glare at him. Bowser roared, showing off his powerful fiery breath, "What are you punks looking at!? You want trouble, or what!?"

The Shy Guys and Pidgits all ran away with fear, in hopes of not getting burned.

Bowser sighed, lowering his eyes as he faced Charizard. Sighing as he prepared to face palm, he calmly asked Charizard, "Okay, Charizard, what's your plan, then?"

Charizard simply folded his arms, waging his left index finger as he began... his completely unrelated speech that the author pulled out of his ass. "After reading this letter, you will never again be able to trust Super Smash Bros. Brawl and you will see with crystal clarity the way that it, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to attack my character. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean it personally for its beliefs or worldviews. But I do aver that I must champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Worst of all, our children's children would never forgive us for letting Super Smash Bros. Brawl deny the obvious. If we let Super Smash Bros. Brawl place saturnine imbeciles at the head of a nationwide kakistocracy, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization. Certain facts are clear. For instance, this is not the first time I've wanted to discuss the relationship between three converging and ever-growing factions -- daft mendicants, pugnacious polemics, and unstable, rotten busybodies. But it is the first time I realized that when people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Super Smash Bros. Brawl is to blame."

Bowser, Snake, and Ridley all stared blankly at Charizard, who was then hit in the back of a head by a red brick, knocked to the ground unconscious.

"...Okay, moving on," Bowser stated as he looked at the map Snake badly drew, observing it closely, "According to this crappy map... which SNAKE drew..." He glared angrily at Snake and snarled, who sweatdropped and backed away as he chuckled nervously, "We should be nearing Peach's Castle, so let's head..." He pointed towards the eastern direction. "This way."

Turning his head around, his jaw dropped and his eyes nearly popped out as he witnessed Snake and Ridley heading towards the west, dragging behind the unconscious Charizard. Bowser fumed, and he ran after them. Meanwhile, within one of the destroyed wooden homes, a pink, feminine puffball overhearing the conversation quietly snuck along... can you guess who this is...?

"DUH, IT'S WALUIGI," A random Smash noob commented, being electrocuted by Luigi in a pink suit. ...What the hell did I just type?


	11. Chapter 11

Bowser, Snake, and Ridley were all in a fiery volcanic area, of which was guarded by several large molten rocks. Bowser was taking the lead, while Ridley wondered what happened to Charizard. And as for Snake... well...

"Bowser! Ridley! Get these guys off me!" Snake screamed as he ran away from the lava creatures, holding tightly to his cardboard box.

Ridley shrugged while rolling his eyes, eating some delicious sugar cookies as Bowser checked under every rock for a clue. Bowser then turned to Ridley, only to scream in horror of Ridley's face.

"What?" Ridley remarked, touching his face, noticing how surprisingly smooth and soft it was. Wait, smooth _and_ soft...?

...

...

...

"Oh SWEET MOTHER OF MOTHER BRAIN, I'M TURNING INTO A SUGAR COOKIE!!!!" Ridley screeched as his whole head was that of a sugar cookie, screaming in horror as he started bumping into the lava creatures that chased Snake, wounding them.

Snake let out a sigh of relief, and he appeared next to Bowser, watching Ridley run around. "I told him to not overdose on the sugar. Guess he didn't listen to me," He said with a laugh, only to scream in pain as he jumped up, his butt burned by a fiery ember creature, which was eaten up by Bowser.

"Mmmm... spicy..." Bowser commented as he rubbed his chin, "Now, what would Charizard do...?"

Bowser then looks up, imagining Charizard as he wonders what the red-colored, fire-type dragon Pokemon has to offer.

_I like taking hot, magma baths in the fiery depths of Brinstar!_

Bowser shook his head, and he thought of another, hopefully useful tip.

_Hey Bowser, do you know that if you mix fire with rock, you get a piece of hardened magma? Huh? Huh?_

Bowser rolled his eyes. He started to notice that it would take a while to get a good response.

_You know how the site sorta sucks, nowadays? I rarely even visit here, because there are idiots who spam the likes of Kirby and Jigglypuff, yet don't leave room for the likes of the poor items... it looks like little Star won't get his chance... Speaking of which, I know this one bad couple of authors, one of them begins with an M and rhymes with gale..._

Bowser slapped his forehead, groaning while Snake was using some toothpaste to help cool his burning rear, with Ridley smacking himself in the head several times to return his face to normal, but with no luck.

"Concentrate, damn it!" Bowser snapped as he slapped himself across the face, telling his conscious, "Give me an actual response, why don't ya?"

His brain shrugged as he started thunking deeply, getting another thought bubble of Charizard, who was wearing a monocle and wearing a golden robe.

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl's remonstrations need to be reassessed with Super Smash Bros. Brawl's ulterior motives in mind. We can therefore extrapolate that if Super Smash Bros. Brawl gets its way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of antipluralism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that it seems to have recently added the word "historicocabbalistical" to its otherwise simplistic vocabulary. I suppose Super Smash Bros. Brawl intends to use big words like that to obscure the fact that if I were a complete sap, I'd believe its line that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to arrest and detain its enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. Unfortunately for it, I realize that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by overweening proponents of ruffianism, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. Super Smash Bros. Brawl claims that it answers to no one. I, however, suspect that that's a load of crud. Yes, its philosophies are bottomlessly bad, but it is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead. I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Super Smash Bros. Brawl proclaims at every opportunity that it'd never reinforce the concept of collective guilt that is the root of all prejudice. The organization doth protest too much, methinks. Although Super Smash Bros. Brawl wants to deflect attention from its unwillingness to support policies that benefit the average citizen, if we fail to reach out for things with permanence, things beyond wealth and comfort and pleasure, things that have real meaning, then we have no one to blame but ourselves. I would like to close by saying that Super Smash Bros. Brawl always says the most vapid things._

Bowser looked at his wrist watch, and he then smashed himself in the head, trying to get a good response. However, the only thing left the brain could think of Charizard was...

_I have a secret crush on that trusty old hammer... mmm mmm, I would like to get my hands on it... could be fun! Huhuhuhuhu!_

Bowser sighed. "I give up. There's nothing I can think of about Charizard that will help," He admitted as he then, right at that exact moment, retreated back into his protective spiky green shell, trying to think of a new way to save the world. But first things first... where was Charizard...? And how long would Solid Snake and Ridley continue to goof off?

...More importantly, was there anyone who was snoo**_ping as_** usual...?

* * *

Charizard could only stare blankly at the wall, while Ness giggled uncontrollably. As the fire-type dragon Pokemon looked around for an exit, Ness came into the cage, smiling with her hands behind her back.

"Oh, Chari-poo..." She giggled as she sat on Charizard's lap, grabbing some lipstick, "I'm going to give you some nice make up! I hope you don't mind, tee hee!"

Charizard's eyes widened with fear, and he screamed at the top of his lungs. No one, however, could be able to hear him, and he then started firing Flamethrowers all over the place, setting everything on fire as he ran for his dear life. Ness, while burning, only giggled as she skipped right after Charizard.

"Wait, Charles! You haven't taken your purse!" Ness shouted out as she randomly got out a brown purse from no where, ripping off her red dress (her regular clothes always having been under it) to get more speed as Charizard moved his arms in a fast motion, moving much faster.

"...Hey... this just hit me!" Charizard stated as he snapped his fingers, turning to the left and grabbing an empty frame nearby, "I'll be able to distract that little brat with this! Then we won't hassle me!"

Ness managed to reach the corner, calling out for Charizard as she called out for the fire-type dragon Pokemon. As Ness turned around to the left, she gasped as she noticed what was in the formerly empty frame...

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Ness's jaw nearly dropped as she screamed anxiously and hugged the portrait, kissing it all over as she ran into an empty closet nearby, to have some "private" time with the handsome portrait of Captain Falcon. Nearby, Charizard is chuckling as he takes the opportunity to sneak away, without Ness breathing down his tail.

"Hehehe, no one expects Captain Falcon," Charizard badly joked, adding more to an unfunny fad on the Internet as he stretched his giant wings and took off for the sky, leaving behind the deserted, eerily pink-colored mansion that Ness resided within.


	12. Chapter 12

Princess Peach sighed as she was writing in her secret pink diary. As she continued writing, she heard the bell, and she got up, opening the door, to see a badly wounded Marth. Screaming in horror, Peach whacked Marth on the head, sweat dropping as she noticed how badly damaged the blue haired swordsman was.

"MARTH!!!" Princess Peach cried out in shock, picking him up and slapping him several times across the face, "What the heck happened!? Where's Link, Roy, Ike, and Pit!?"

Marth gasped, unable to feel any of his body parts. "B-B-Bowser a-a-and C-C-Charizard... t-t-they..." He gasped, feeling blood coming out of his mouth as he flopped to the floor, trying to speak as his breath was escaping from his mouth, "_T-T-They w-w-wiped t-t-the f-f-floor w-w-with u-u-us... I'm so-r-r-r-r-r-y, p-p-p-prince..sss..." Closing his eyes, Marth let out one last sigh as his head fell on the ground, dead.

Shaking in her shoes, Peach cried out in frustration, turning around to write in her secret diary, "Damn it! Those reptilian idiots have foiled my plans for the last time!"

"You soiled your pants for the last time?" A purple-colored Toad spouted, laughing his head off as a Bo-Bomb was chucked at him, dying from the explosion collision.

Frustrated, the disgruntled Princess Peach turned around, to continue writing in her diary. "Grrr... I won't let those four heroes take care of me... I'll show them! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!" And with that, she slammed her diary and headed up to the top of her castle, thunder booming loudly as white lightning blasted in the air, storm clouds forming as the wind began blowing harsh.

* * *

Dr. Mario looked around, and he scratched his head. As he called out, he felt something touch his shoulder. Dr. Mario slowly turned his head around, to see the shadow of... a stuff panda bear?

"What in the name of plumbers...?" Dr. Mario asked as he heard a cry, turning around to see Bowser, Charizard, Snake, and Ridley all behind him. "AHHHHH!!!!' He jumped up into the air, hitting the ceiling as he came back down unconscious.

Charizard picked him up, turning to face Bowser. "Uh oh! Bowser, what do we do with him?"

Bowser sighed, folding his arms as he closed his eyes. Snake and Ridley tried giving Dr. Mario CPR as Bowser punched a hole into the prison wall, pointing at the direction to the others.

"Quickly! We can all make a get way through here!" He shouted as he jumped through, with Charizard, Snake, and Ridley following swiftly behind, the latter two holding the unconscious Dr. Mario.

As the four ran, Charizard stopped in his tracks, picking up a letter and reading it aloud, "Listen, you foul fools! I am waiting for you on the top of my lair - I mean, castle! CASTLE!!! You bring your sorry asses up, or they'll be hell to pay! Signed, Princess Peach Toadstool." He looked up, and called out, "GUYS!!! SHE'S ON THE TOP OF THE CASTLE!!!"

"Great!" Bowser shouted back as he breathed fire on the Toads, burning the humanoid mushrooms alive as he headed up the stairs, "We'll fight her to the death, and then restore the kingdom!"

As Snake and Ridley followed, Snake rubbed his chin, muttering under his breath to Ridley, "Why does this remind me of Banjo-Kazooie...?"

Ridley rubbed the back of his head, confused as well. "I guess we sort of need action for an ending, huh?"

Dr. Mario suddenly woke up, startling the two men as the doctor jumped onto his feet, dusting his coat and grabbing a pipe, smoking out of it as he spoke in a British tone, "My dear chaps, perhaps we should stop chattering like water fowls at the lake and head up the castle, shall we?"


	13. Chapter 13

_The Very Epic And Highly Detailed Boss Battle of the Century! The Final Countdown! Bowser, Charizard, and Co. versus Princess Peach Toadstool! Merry Christmas!_

Bowser, Charizard, Solid Snake, Ridley, the British Dr. Mario, and (surprisingly) the girly girl Ness were all on the top of the castle, standing across Princess Peach, who was riding on a badly constructed mechanical broomstick. Charizard was in the back, being frightened out by Ness, who tried hugging the fire-type dragon Pokemon. Bowser growled as he headed forward, looking at Peach straight in the eyes, lightning and thunder accordingly booming and bursting at the same time as rain started pouring down.

How the flame on Charizard's tail didn't go out by the rain is a complete mystery that will not be told. Sucks to be you, eh?

"**SHUT UP AND GET WITH THE POINT!!!**" Ridley shouted as he tossed a brick into the air, hitting the narrator, which was me.

...

...

...Hey! That smarts! Humph, jerk.

"Hahahahahahahaha!" Peach obnoxiously laughed, snorting as boogers came out of her nose, much to the disgust of Snake, who grabbed his cardboard box and barfed in it. "There's no one to save you now, Bowser! You may have fallen in many lava pits and lived, but now... I will beat you once more, just like I did in Super Princess Peach!" She then turned around to the Lakitu holding a camera and smiled in a cheesy fashion. "By the way, everyone, buy Super Princess Peach for the Nintendo DS!"

"Oh, NOW she's advertising?" Ridley remarked, rolling his eyes as he was blasted by peach's broomstick laser, and knocked off the castle, screaming in pain as upon reaching the bottom he broke into several pieces of his body.

Bowser, Charizard, and Dr. Mario all glanced at each other, while Ness cuddled herself around Charizard's tail. Snake continued barfing and putting his box away, he grabbed a grenade and chucked it at Peach, but she pulled out Toad to reflect it back, causing the grenade to explode on Snake, and sending him into the stormy sky.

"Looks like Solid Snake is blasting off again!" Snake cried out as he sparkled in the background, not being seen.

"...Snake?" Dr. Mario asked, falling on his knees and crying out, "Snake!? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"All right, enough of that," Charizard stated, putting his right hand up as he took a step forward and shouted, "Let's get this on! I got a date with the blue shell after his next race."

Silence.

...

...

...

...

...

"...Charizard-Kun's gay?" Ness gasped, bursting into tears as she turned around and jumped down the castle and screaming her lungs out as she fell on top of Ridley, and in likely fashion, broke into several pieces.

Bowser and Dr. Mario both gave Charizard odd glances as the two took a step to the right, Charizard blushing embarrassingly as Peach growled and started tossing turnips at the three. Dr. Mario countered with his pills, and thus, the turnips and pills went up against each other, being fired into the other side. Bowser and Charizard hid within Bowser's green spiky shell as Dr. Mario slowly stepped forward and forward towards Peach, who was readying Toad.

* * *

**One month later...**

Dr. Mario and Princess Peach were still firing projectiles at each other.

* * *

**One year later...**

Dr. Mario and Princess Peach were still firing projectiles at each other.

* * *

**Over**_** NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND**_** years later...**

Dr. Mario and Princess Peach were still firing projectiles at each other.

* * *

**So long that the old narrator got tired, and they had to hire a new one.**

As Dr. Mario got tired, at the last minute, peach used Toad to reflect the pills, sending both the turnips and pills at the doctor. Dr. Mario gasped, and he fell to the ground, limping as Peach cackled evilly. Bowser and Charizard popped out from the spiky shell, noticing what happened.

"Doc!!!!" Charizard cried, bursting into tears as he picked up Dr. Mario and hugged him tightly, tears coming down from his eyes. Bowser's jaw dropped in disbelief as he noticed the unconscious state of Dr. Mario.

"Hahahahahaha!" Peach laughed, waving her right index finger at Bowser and Charizard, "Looks like you lost another one! Guess that means you don't have anyone to help you-" **PFFFFFFT!!!** Princess Peach farted once more, screaming as she fell off her mechanical broom, which broke from the sulfur-like gas. Peach coughed as he growled, cursing at herself. "Damn my stomach and all of my gas-infested body parts!"

Bowser and Charizard were lucky to have immunity to smelling the terrible gas, but it gave Bowser one hell of an idea. Whispering to Charizard, who nodded in agreement, the two reptilians ran towards Peach, and both fired off their Flamethrowers, their red hot flames colliding with the green gas from Peach's butt, resulting in an explosion on a grand scale of-

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!**_

"BOWSER...!!!!!!!!!!"

"CHARIZARD...!!!!!!!!!!"

"MY BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!! MY PRECIOUS BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!!"

"MARIO, WHEREVER YOU ARE, _HEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLP_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YESZ!!!!!!!!!!"

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

Princess Peach's Castle was completely devastated and destroyed. Everyone on the top and the bottom, and those around the area were all sent blasting off through the stormy sky, the downpour becoming so bad that the area was being flooded with water from the nearby lake and river. Lightning crackled the sky many times, lighting the stormy sky up as thunder boomed loudly, a wildfire being started after a dead tree was zapped by one of the bolts.


	14. Chapter 14

Long after the epic battle with the evil witch, Princess Peach Toadstool (who was presumedly stated dead after no one was able to find her body), Bowser and Charizard, accompanied by Doctor Mario, who helped the two gain enough funds to ensure them live support, were walking peacefully on a rather unknown grassy meadow, watching the blue birds flying other them chirping in tune as the sun shined brightly within the clear blue skies, the background filled with bright blue hills and white clouds.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Charizard asked as he munched on a delicious, yellowish sugar cookie, smacking his lips together with delight.

Bowser scratched his chin, trying to think. "Hmmm... well, with Princess peach presumedly dead, we can make anywhere our home. We're heroes!"

Dr. Mario nodded, smiling widely as he came in between the two reptilians, "Well, let's wrap up our little tale with a song." He turned around, winking to the screen. "Robotnik?"

It was then that the awesome AoStH incarnation of Doctor Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik popped out of nowhere with a microphone, appearing next to Bowser.

"So let the heartaches begin... I can't help it, I can't win..." Robotnik proudly sang as Bowser, Charizard, and Dr. Mario joined in, singing in a quartet, "I lost the girl for sure, and now she tears no more..."

And they lived happily ever after.

...

...

...

...

...

Except Ness, who lost her love in Charizard. Poor girl. At least a fully recovered Ridley and a badly wounded Solid Snake managed to calm her sad soul.

**THE END**


End file.
